OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
