So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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