I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
