Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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