I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
