WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
