It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
