Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
