If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
