omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
