Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
