and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
