Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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