my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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