There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
