i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
