I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
