walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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