He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
