Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
