This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
