My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think a kid would responsible me up
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
