I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
