At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
