I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
