I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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