we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
