I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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