Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
