They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
