theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
