When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
