I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
