U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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