you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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