i think my tv is drunk
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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