Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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