I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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