coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
