Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
