dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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