i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
