What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
