i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
