well I can't set my house on fire every night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
