i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
