Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
