Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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