My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
