What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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