make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i think i just lost a toe
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
