one two three fourrrrnication!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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