You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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