maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
