Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
