Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
