SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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